It’s always something!!!

Well…it’s been a long long time since I’ve posted anything…SHAME ON ME!!!  What was I thinking neglecting my 2 person audience???  Well, I’m a bit like that…thinking comes naturally to a lot of people, I am not one of those people.  Oh well, what can you do when you have amateur writer’s block???  Is there a cure?  It’s not like my home is uneventful!  Why, just today, my little Zai~Bert decided to climb up the oven and learned the hard way that NO MEANS NO DAMNIT!!!  No, for real…he got his little big toe pinched when the door came crashing down and it swelled up like a big ol’ balloon and was a pretty shade of purple.  Screamed for almost an hour straight…I don’t know who’s head was pounding more, his or mine!?!  I don’t know why, but I knew when I was pregnant with my twins that he was going to be the more difficult of the 2.  I had dreams, I had feelings…call it intuition, call it what you want, but this cute little shit is a walking heart attack for me!!!  He’s always the one getting hurt first…he’s very daring and adventurous.  What can ya do, really?  This mother thing was a lot tougher than I had imagined all those years.  You plan on everything being beautiful and wonderful…AND IT IS…NEVER get me wrong!  It’s the greatest feeling in the world being their Mommy, but I thought I had a few more years before I would have to start stuffing them into protective sporting gear.

What else has been going on?  Hmmmmm.  Well, I’ve been doing a lot of work around the house with Brenda’s help.  I hadn’t really unpacked since we moved here last April, so I have boxes galore everywhere.  NOW…I actually have a beatiful dark blue bedroom carpet and a newly renovated office/smoking room.  It was awesome.  I had never painted or fixed up anything like this room.  Basically a hole in the wall and now it’s bright, cheerful, and a very peaceful place to get away and take some time out.  But see???  This is all boring stuff.  This crap isn’t what people wanna read about.  People want drama with all the gory details.  WELL THEN PEOPLE…YOU’VE COME TO THE WRONG PLACE!!!  LOL

Let’s see…my wedding is coming up…YAYYYYYYY!!!  So excited.  Can’t wait to get hitched and gamble all in the pretty city of Vegas…I’m hoping to hit big so I can get myself a minivan, but I don’t see it happening.  Hmmm….any good gambling pointers?  I’m mainly a slots girl, so we’ll see.  So long as we all have fun and I get my first limo ride, I couldn’t possibly lose big.  Sorta nervous about the babies flying and taking them far away from home!  They are soooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo cranky when we leave home and this will be for a week, YIKES!!!  Anyone got any tranquilizers???  FOR ME FOR ME…NOT THE CHILDREN…I’m not THAT insane!!!  )

OK, here’s something to bitch about!!!  Yeah, I’ll always have SOMETHING to gripe about, so why not share?  Sharing is the cool thing to do, right?  So yeah, a month ago I had cracked my upper maxillary (don’t ask, but that word is important) molar by biting down hard on my tongue barbell while eating a friggin’ hot dog!!!  We already know I’m an idiot in the first place, but what did I do about it???  Of course, I went to the dentist.  He offered to fill it for me, but I just had to get it pulled.  In my little head, I figured it would save me problems down the road.  Yeah, someone shoot me and put me out of my idiocy!!!  NEVER, and I really do repeat…NEVER NEVER NEVER get any of your premaxillary or maxillary molars removed…EVER!!!  If you have the option to just fix them or work around the problems, DO IT!!!  I had no idea what I was in store for and I’M STILL SUFFERING!!!  My dentist is a friggin’ bonehead!!!  I don’t know where he got his license to practice dentistry, but it needs to be revoked for God’s sake!!!  Did he bother to argue with me about pulling it out?  NO!  Did he offer information on what was about to take place and the consequences I was about to face???  (Poet & didn’t even know it!!!)  This bastard just looks at me and was like..OK!  What an asshole!!!  AFTER the procedure, he tells me, “If blood starts falling out of your nose, don’t be alarmed!”  WTF???  “If you’re eating or drinking something and it comes out your nose too, don’t be alarmed!”  THEN AND ONLY THEN does he decide to explain to me that the tooth is connected to my sinuses and that there’s a hole from my gums up into my sinus cavity…WELL YIPPY F*CKING SKIPPY!!!  Thank you “doctor” for telling me this now.  I’m so happy I can whistle out my f*cking nose!!!  NO, SERIOUSLY, for the first 2 days I could whistle out of my nose just by blowing air out of my mouth.  WTF???  That wasn’t the worst part.  Yeah, there’s always more.  The dick left “bone fragments” in my gums and I had to go back 1 1/2 weeks later to get those removed.  However, I still felt “bone fragments” up inside the gaping hole and went back another 1 1/2 weeks later.  He looks at me, tells me it’s my friggin’ jaw bone, and DOES ABSOLUTELY NOTHING about it!!!  It’s a month later and it’s still sore, tender, and F*CKING OPEN!!!  I keep experiencing food particles getting lodged up inside my nasal passage and back down my throat…drinks too.  I KNOW I KNOW TMI!!!  Sorry, but what else is there really to write about?  LOL  If I can’t bitch and moan about my dentist, then what’s the point of having my own blog really???  I can’t call the dentist, coz what’s he gonna do?  COZ ME MORE ISSUES is my only guess…do you have a different guess?  I can still blow air up into my sinuses and my whole nasal system is screwed up…I figure if the bitch who got away with suing McDonald’s for a stupid cup of HOT coffee, then I can get away with suing my dentist for post nasal drippage )  Nahhh, I’m not a sue happy person, but I trusted that inadequate son of a bitch with my whole head, and now I’m having problems out the nose…no pun intended, really ;o) (if you believe that, I’ll tell ya another)

So yeah, still nothing to write about.  We’ve just been trying to get through winter and all these bumps, bruises, fevers, and anything else that could and does go wrong.  How about the superbowl though?  That was a pretty good game with an excellent outcome.  I figure, if the STEELERS didn’t make it, then why should the f*cking Patriots end up with a perfect/undefeated season?  BASTARDS!!!  No, for real though, I wouldn’t have cared either way, but I’m glad the Giants walked away with the title!  I’d root for the underdog anyday.  Next year, though, THE STEELERS BETTER BE PLAYING IN THE SUPERBOWL!!!  What better reason to throw a big bash and drink ourselves stupid???  Speaking of which…I actually have plans to go out soon…WITHOUT THE BABIES.  This never happens.  I’m too anal retentive of a Mother to leave them for more than 2 hours with ANYONE…yes, even their Father.  He’s a great guy and wonderful Father, but I’m very particular when it comes to them.  I just decided that it’s been too long since I’ve gotten some adult time out and away from them.  The bar is probably not the best choice, but my favorite local band will be playing and I haven’t seen them for over a year now.  I use to be their “mascot!”  OK, not really, but a great story nonetheless.  The short version: We were at a (what I would basically call) biker’s convention summer of ‘04 and, of course, I was on a mission to flash my boobs at anyone and everyone who would give me beads!  Mardis Gras ain’t got nuthin’ on my collection from that weekend, lol.  So anyhow, the lead vocalist of the band yells out to the crowd in disappointment, “This is suppose to be a party, where are all the tits???”  And me, not wanting to disappoint her, climbed up and straddled my boyfriend’s shoulders and took it all off…OK, just from the waist up, but it was great!!!  Boy, I got popular real quick, lol.  Then she says, “Is that OUR Llizz???”  “Everyone give it up for our new mascot!!!”  It was awesome.  Probably becoz I was really drunk from the 18 wheeler full of Coors Light with beer taps running down the side…how great was that???  Well, I won’t tell you my other story from that weekend, but I WILL  swear until the day I die that it WAS the Blair Witch that kidnapped me, stole all of my clothes, and left me wandering around drunk and naked along side that major highway!!!  They didn’t believe me back at camp, but they weren’t there, so ’nuff said!!!

Wow, I got way off track!  I don’t even know how the hell I started babbling, but I like to just go with it )  I have many great stories and many great memories, but I’m undecided on whether I should only blog about things going on in the present, or mix it up a little.  I’ll figure it out one day though.  So, now that I’m lost on what I was talking about, I have no idea what I should discuss with myself next.  Hmmmmm…

How about my poor children???  Yes, I call them poor coz I feel really bad for them.  I’ve never had allergies and neither has their Dad, that I’m aware.  It’s crazy.  I’m literally afraid to feed my children regular people food.  Since Isaiah had his first food allergy attack at 8 months, food scares the crap out of me!!!  They’re both allergic, but to different foods.  So far, the list includes peanuts, eggs, & scallops.  Yeah, not a very long list you say???  Well, you come do our shopping and see how many labels contain one or more of those and other allergy warnings!!!  I never realized that peanuts were that popular among the rest of the crap out there to eat.  AND YES, I DO SEEMINGLY HAVE AN OBSESSION TONIGHT WITH THE WORD CRAP, GET OVER IT!!!  And, NO, I did not feed my children scallops.  I was merely feeding them a mixture of mashed potatoes, peas, and corn from my plate that was exposed to scallop juice.  OH NO, THE DREADED DEADLY POISONOUS OUCHY SCALLOP JUICE!!!  WTFF???  (translation WTFF = what the f*ckity f*ck???)  I mean, c’mon!  Where’s the justice?  I’m suppose to be lovingly bonding with my children over food and by sharing food and you’re telling me that I’m unintentionally “poisoning” (for lack of a better word) my children???  Isaac had hives all over his body from head to toe for a week from that episode.  I have to admit, I’m very grateful that my children are only moderately-severely allergic to certain foods instead of fatally, HOWEVER, these are my poor children DAMNIT, leave them alone!!!

Don’t ask who I was talking to there, I have no clue!!!  Oh great…I just had to think!  (I know, this blog is soooooooooooooooooooo friggin’ long!) But, I have a thought and I’m not leavin’ until I “sort” this thought out damnit!  I just remembered that I’m actually gonna have to start cooking.  I HATE COOKING!!!  I mean, inside, I know I could/would enjoy it.  But psychologically, I hate it!!!  A long story I’ll probably never get into, BUT my Mother has me so screwed up in the head!!!  Anyhow, becoz of this and that and that and this and the thingie with the thingie in the thingie, I HAVE NEVER WANTED TO LEARN HOW TO COOK ANYTHING OTHER THAN OODLES OF NOODLES AND MACARONI AND CHEESE!!!  For God’s sake, I only really made spaghetti for the 1st time 4 years ago and I’m 28…YIKES!!!  My POOR children would become so malnurished on a diet of caff. free pepsi and ZINGERS!!!  Thank the Heavens above their Father is an excellent cook!!!  But yeah, I would really like to get around to practicing making a larger variety of things.  We’ll see how that turns out…I suppose I’ll keep everyone posted by bitching about it from time to time.

Well, I’d just love to be spitting out random thoughts and stories all night long, but you know!  The children are asleep, but won’t stay that way forever, so I must force myself to crawl into bed.  I hate going to bed too!  Ugh!  It’s pretty irritating to want to sleep so bad, but your mind just won’t let you!!!  Hope all is well for everyone, sweet dreams, yada yada, blah blah, and all that jazz!  G’NIGHT!!!